26th March 2011 - 7:52 | London UK, london | Age: 99
Do you tick any of these?
- For all sorts of reasons which need not detain us here, you definitely prefer older men. (One at a time of course, assuming you are not a wanton baggage.)
- You are between 20-30 approx. or lie well about your age.
- You have natural taste, appreciate wit and possess a penchant for refinement (or failing that you are a bit of an Eliza Dolittle. Orl roight, guv?)
- You can readily distinguish between the paternal and the patronising, feeling comfortable with the former but not with the latter.
- Though perhaps puzzled by it you are unfazed by a man who likes shopping and loathes football.
- You may have a tattoo, pepper your texts with LOLs, spell ‘you’ as ‘u’ and generally mangle the wonderful English language with text-speak, but are prepared to protect me from these hideous truths for as long as possible.
- You are not a Nigerian scammer about to address me as ‘dear’, then offer me a gold mine for a couple of thou which you’ve inherited from your deceased parents whilst assuring me you are God-fearing.
- You have a sense of humour, which you are certainly going to need if even remotely considering making me your next project.
Okey-dokey: almost done. I’ve posted no personal photo being jealous of my online privacy so will not expect one in return, but if considering responding please spread yourself a little and tell me honestly why you are replying. One-liners, cut-and-paste jobs and offers to meet you on a tacky sex site will be treated with the contempt they deserve and deleted quicker than you can say ‘Cincinnati-sin-city’.
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