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d.s. (the doofus sperm monologues) - snarky Brit/fun foreign chicks (July 25th)

6th November 2013 - 16:08 | London UK, London SE and everywhere

July 24th: a non-Brit, of course, but she is most amused by the d.s. monologues...

"Honey, if I could, I'd give you a freakin' Nobel Prize. I'm a female of your species and I thought that was beautiful. Hopefully, the pigmen read that and evolve."

And then another one:

"You, sir, have a way with words.
You were on point--calling me out as I try to deny the fact that I'm wet by simply reading a post on this site.
Very enticing."

[I respond...she responds, shows me a lovely pic of her boobs and legs, a non-face selfie - pay attention, girls, that's the way to do it, elegant and very sexy, shorts on, but nothing else, point the shot between your boobs and for gawds sake, make sure you show both nipples!! You see, you can always learn the most useful things from the Master of Oz. I occasionally teach a seminar for women in how to find studs online in safety and with discretion..... But, I digress.]

So I explain how I think her tits - and other parts - need some serious, skilled attention from a master. She agrees...

"Unfortunately, no--they haven't felt the warm, wet tongue of another since March. Apparently, reading about anal sex is affecting me more than I thought. I get excited and swollen down there. The slightest turn of my hips affects me...I tighten my muscles and a low moan escapes my mouth.

I'd love to try it out...a big bummer for me that you're not [here]. Sent from my iPhone"

But I will be...later this year. You know what's going to happen then. Or, you should.

By this time, why are you surprised? Surely it's only because of the primitively ignorant condition of British sexuality.

These girls are minded, sexually uninhibited, and fun. They expect considerate domination and an expert reaming. Not too much to ask, they think...but no, not when they are surrounded by d.s.!

And before that, as you recall, there was the predictable Snarky Brit chick... she is an ideal mate for the aggressive/territorial-pissing-on-females British Neanderthal male...

July 15th: so, a classic Brit chick writes, in response to another of my ads....

""Sublime and masterful".."secretly knowledgeable"...???? HILARIOUS!

I've yet to encounter any man, yourself included, who can successfully write erotic imagery that doesn't make women want to throw up."


So I respond:

"Your experience of men can't be all that wide-ranging then :)
Only in the UK are people so closed-minded, hypocritical and scathing about the joys of sex. Your allergy to sex is typical of course, and in line with my other postings on OZ."


She then writes back...

"I totally agree about joys - but that ISN'T the point I made, is it?

What I said was that you, like most men, have absolutely NO IDEA how to write about it in a way that engages women. It's all the same unspeakably tedious crap that guys get from porn.

Big yawn. Big turn-off.

I know you'll probably want to have the last word (in order to insist that you are right and that I am wrong - which is odd because I know the exact effect your ad on me and, trust me, it wasn't what you intended), but don't bother - I won't even open any more emails from you. They will just go straight to trash."


Now this is the normal prudish, controlling, hypocritical behavior from the classic Brit female - she is accustomed to controlling and demeaning men, to pussy-whipping the ignorant curs. Only in Britain can she be indulged.

She's not used to dealing with men who are secure about what they offer and cannot be p-whipped into submissive curs.

So it's time to write her, firmly but not abusively, and point out the obvious...


Hmm. You seem rather certain that women - as a monolithic class - find my ads to be "tedious crap."

I find it interesting that some women insist on being able to discipline men by telling them - wrongly - what other women cannot find appealing.

While I don't contest that you may not like my concepts, there are plenty of women who do. And if you don't, then why bother to respond and present an argument that you can't verify? Surely you have other things to do... like pussy-whipping idiot Brit males, who indeed are among the most belligerent, ignorant and foolish of all.

I'm glad I left the UK decades ago for greener
sexual/professional/cultural pastures, but I agree it's most amusing to debate.

and so on.

My ads have vastly more viewership than others on that site.

I'm still puzzled though. Women are usually smarter than this. So why would you present yourself as unintelligent in that way?"


Since my response went straight to her trash, so she claims, then I'm going to undermine her powerplay by posting it all here.

Normally, I expect and receive this from idiot males. It's more unusual for a female to be so obtuse. However, in Britain, certainly, it's very possible - we all know how generally dreadful the British females are...frigid, repressed, repressive, controlling and in a state of self-denial.

July 11th:
Another one! Hahaha! Things have been active lately. First, a critic offers this view....

"Whatever the person writing all of this monotonous shite wants us to think, it seems much more likely that this is a woman-hating sad and pathetic wanker who hasn't been near pussy for a decade or so, and top posts this rubbish because he is starved of any meaningful attention.
Give it a rest, you are BORING."

Ah yes, pea-brain, so - that's why you read it all then! How predictable of you!

Your statement is quite hypocritical. It's the subject of another of my discussions. The cumulative viewing for my postings is well over 20,000 which is greater than other OZ postings. So the evidence contradicts you and we can all see it. This is a normal situation for you, I think.

Your response is so typical of the inexperienced, deprived and culturally-incompetent Brit-male. It is frustrated, and you resort to the semiliterate call of SHITE whenever you see something you can't comprehend - which is sadly often. Jealous, controlling, aggressive and idiotic all-around. The signs are clear.

"Not to mention completely unconvincing. Let's face it, if you were actually doing this then you wouldn't have time to maintain these dreary lectures. You are a fake and a feeble wannabe."

True it does take a little time to post some highlights, but it's entertaining when we can have dialogue like this. And you prove all my points, it so inevitable and amusing.

The funniest thing of all is when you, a thuggish male, call the master "woman-hating." The females have a very different view. You allow your jealousy of such success to fire what for you, is the anger of the dispossessed.

Meantime, as ever, the females - especially non-Brits - are smarter and far more interesting. Yesterday's encounter was f**** awesome! True, not with a white-bread Brit college girl with the hairband and posh accent, but with a lovely Asian doctor lady, top med school grad, consverative upbringing. She looks like a Bollywood star and pretends to be a good girl for family but, as they say, OMG!

After I told her about my last luscious cutie from South Asia, she said...

"Hearing that you had someone similar to me makes me want to figure out all the ways to be better than her! I know it's not a competition and everyone is delicious in their own way, but I like to know that I can get a man reallllyyyyy aroused and unable to control himself. I want my pussy to be such a hot little heaven that I can witness and appreciate the Struggle it takes him to not cum quickly. I suppose it's my passive aggressive way of trying to be dominant since having that kind of control over a man's ejaculation is a really powerful thing. But at the end of the day, I love making a man cum and just want to be used for his ultimate pleasure.

I want your cum in my mouth so i can taste the splendor. On my face so I can shower in your ecstasy. I love to feel your hot seed fill up my pussy and ass. And I love to see it roll down my thigh later as a reminder of how I'm your little cumslut (obviously this isn't really possible with safe sex but an amazing experience when you get To the point of comfort and trust to have unprotected sex. I prefer that sort of intimacy but not always possible sadly)."

Now, THAT is a WOMAN!! She is clearly experienced, and open minded and self-assured. Ready to fuck. Knows how to do it, too. She is beyond the scope of a doofus like you. Remember, she and women like her are repelled by the doofus sperm which is your primary product.

She - and other alluring women - can ONLY BE CUMSLUTS FOR A MASTER! They will never be receptacles for the d.s. that you and your buddies purvey.

My other posting analyzes the interesting polarized reaction women have towards semen... magnetic attraction or total repulsion and little in between, depending on many factors.

I digress. So, after I met Bollywood Doll, she says:


"I'm almost speechless. i don't think I'll be satisfied until you put your cock and cum everywhere you can. My pussy is literally wetter than when you were here bc you teased it and left it alone:( I don't think you're someone I'm going to be able to fuck for short amounts of time...I'm
Going to need A LOt of your cock. If you're able to get away can I pleaseeee see you tomorrow?

Honestly, I barely ever feel this way about people i fuck. You are indeed a special one and I cannot wait until next time! If you thought I was inpatient before, now I know what the goods are like and want them all the time."


This enthusiastic and appreciative reaction is not unusual for a real master like me. It would be, for someone like you. It's all beyond your comprehension and your reaction of flailing frustration is typical.

It is always very flattering and most satisfying to be appreciated by a real woman. That's what I mean about the quality of the art.

You, King Doofus, have a lot to learn.

I am the master not only of OZ but of these luscious lovelies, whom you can only dream of. Some of them even in the UK, of all places!

If you left behind your bitterness and frustration and embarked on serious self-improvement, and opened your mind, you might be able to change things around. But if you're a thuggish product of British culture with no self-awareness or cultural understanding, you have no hope.

July 1st: wow! So, for once, despite the customary and delicious international sexual piracy, the most fun has been with a white British woman! F%%% me, as they say!

What a hot biAtch! An tall blonde entrepreneur lady, intelligent, accomplished, traveled and with an awesome bod including real boobs. As I expect, she has no time for BS or fakery, only for a hard, no-strings reaming conducted with respect and consideration.. which for the Master of OZ means, wine and dinner and fun convo first, then panties off and legs spread as wide as possible for her master...and a sublime reaming to the edge and just-ever-so-slightly beyond... what delight for both of us! A woman who makes a man feel a man, and who knows how to open and embrace her inner rare in these places and so gratifying when I find her.

The only thing she didn't do for me was wear that white headband, you know, the one I love most on my post white-bread Brit student girls....ahh, but, that can wait for next time. If Tiger Lady leaves me enough energy.

Now it's time to get back to my slinky black lover at home.

May 11th: it is time for customary debauchery...even in the staid UK!

Such an alluring, intelligent lady... she says....among other things... "I do love your e mails ! Sometimes they make me laugh, sometimes they make me run away like a frightened kid.....i always come back to read again though :-) Intrigued, excited, apprehensive, curious like a child and wanting ......

You are so very different to anyone else i've don't worry, i won't be changing my mind on or before the [x th]. As long as you get to [Oz-ville], i'll be here waiting .....:-D

I really look forward to meeting......and i'm sure we will get on face to face........ so, i'd better prepare for a good time eh? Ha ha ha

I enjoy the psychological side of things with you. I find it so much more exciting. The matter of fact way you discuss your encounters.........sometimes makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, but also thrills me. I also find it strange how easy it is to open up and tell you almost everything..... it's like i've found a partner in crime ;-). Lol"

Of course. You all know that she has! What intelligent, red-blooded woman would not agree with my intelligent discussant above?

Meantime, the Vagenda monologues prudes are too funny...trying to censor this blog/Oz post by reporting the use of the word "rape" and hoping it gets censored.

In that case, my dears, you'd better report the Guardian leftie writers as well...they use that word all the time and not only in the context of Jimbo Sa-VILE. ANd every other media outlet. Soon nobody will be able to use it. Then you can't even report it yourselves, for real.

Intelligent and literate women might not like your stand on this...the so-called imaginary "Sisterhood" doesn't exist and if you were more realistic you'd accept it. Your totalitarian desires to suppress speech also mean you've joined the enemy camp. You are the ones who need that doofus sperm - better if you're lesbians so it's even more repulsive than usual! LOL!

Normally, I expect that kind of hypocrisy from ignorant, doofus-esque males, not from intelligent females. But it just goes to show you that there are females with less intellectual honesty and capacity as well as the foolish males we like to criticise.

Apr 11th: so, this is funny! People who take the time to read internet postings and respond with cursing invective! They don't even see that their actions contradict their statements. For the British male, this par for the course. So too is the boorish and idiotic aggression. This guy is a classic pub thug no doubt. Just like those doofuses I describe here. They are so predictable.

Apr 10th: the r-word was removed by admin at the request of the police. So, when you read the censored text, bear this in mind...

This illustrates exactly the problem of the censorious state. The complainers - who quite likely are those who claim to advance a "women's agenda" and use this word on their own blogs and site - are symptomatic of the broader problem. They claim to define "the" "women's agenda."

Of course, for some women, a women's agenda includes the freedom to decide who to f%%% and how, including the roleplay r-scenario. Adults in free societies understand this.

These people create the society in which they wish to live...which is, as I observed before, a hypocritical and censoriouos one. Plenty of females reading this will find this equally outrageous...even those who aren't tempted by the r-fantasy, but who believe in freedom of expression.

Back to the regular schedule...

Mar 20th: you've read answer the essay question.

Mar 18th: for the opposite of d.s., you need to find the ad that's referenced in my other posting. It has not been posted in the UK yet...but maybe soon it will be :)

Mar 4th: I've updated a couple more reader questions here. I get occasional emails from the curious and it helps to answer them here because the themes are often similar.

For those introducing themselves to the art of the Master of Oz - at least, on this section of the site - this is the place to start.

The various contributions here are intended to form part of the whole picture. Each is entertaining on its own, but a more observant reader can weave them into a fuller tapestry. Only by weaving them together can you, the viewer, see the picture assume its colour and texture. When that happens, you will appreciate the full scope of my erotic art.

It is legendary. Almost breathtaking in its audacity and variety.

Before I return to the original, here are my responses to some recent audience questions.

Q: "I'm curious. You have all these women but what is your favorite sex goddess like?"
A: I can't know before I meet her. The elegant, well-spoken white British public school girl with the hairband has been a recent strong fetish - see below, and other postings on this. But - for example - the voracious married Asian company manager, the black attorney in the US, the Canadian traveler girl, the sultry Colombian international agency worker, well, genuine sex goddesses can come with many shapes and from various backgrounds.

But there are common denominators. All of them knew what they wanted and were comfortable with their own desires - for submission, fun, breast stimulation, extreme insertion, anal invasion, bondage, whatever it was. We all have our fetishes and those who don't admit it...are lying!

All of them appreciate a real man - a man who is sophisticated, cultured and professional in public, but a dominant, voracious and confident lover in private.

Here's where we see a difference. British girls are normally not at ease with their own desires but these others usually are. There are a few fun females to be found, but they seem to be in the minority.

Q: "Do you really prefer black girls?"
A: It seems like that. Actually I don't fixate on this, but especially in the UK, black girls are often more self-aware, more sensual, more open and easier with their sexuality than tight white girls. I always enjoy the company of black women. See above. Having said that, my recent - and astonishingly gratifying - encounter was with a middle-England white girl, so I maintain an open mind. Asians, Latinas, Africans, Pacific Islanders, yes, all luscious and yummy.

Q: "It seems almost too much. How do you do this?"
A: Because I have the balls. Literally, and figuratively. I am not cowed into shame. Long ago, I took ownership of my perversions, and I learned how to deliver them in a package that speaks to voracious females. Lots of women all over the world enjoy my writing, and even more, my fucking. Why not? We're all adults now.

Q: "Do you ever really visit the UK?"
A: Yes, at reasonable intervals. It's all the more amusing to debauch there because of the general climate of repression and prudery and the shock-horror created by activities such as these.

Q: "Do you like these?" [girl J. sends a pic of her cleavage in the tight white blouse open to the fifth button].
A: Well, J., what do you think??!! But I can't see all of them, so next time, no bra please. And if you want to know more, I need your phone number.

Alright, so now back to the original doofus sperm posting.

Back by popular demand....this was the most viewed Oz ad in this category. I moved it from the earlier thread because it wasn't so manageable there.

Here's the outline.

Original Introduction
Chapter 1: characteristics of d.s.
Chapter 2: Ladies' corner: female respondents
Chapter 3: Men's soapbox: male respondents
Chapter 4: Conclusion


To set the scene, let's look at a couple of female views on the appeal of semen. We have those who find the stuff elementally compelling... like the Californian woman who says..

"You might say that I have a particular fetish. I love semen, sperm, jizz, cum, gizzum. Whatever you care to call it, I love it. I love the feeling of cum on my body, almost anywhere I can feel it. I love the warm, wet, sticky feeling it leaves me with. I love the smell, the starchy, kind of acrid odor it has, although that varies from guy to guy. I love the feeling of it. I just love the thought of semen, and the fact that it is my attractiveness that makes a guy come."

Then we have the haters' corner...

"Well i'll explain myself a little more. I have a grave fear of becomming pregnate and I hate small children. To me being cumed into is an insult. Because the image I get of mother is really demented. Being cumed into pretty much says that's all your worth. You were born for making children and that's all you'll ever be."

And there are those here on OZ who post about their repulsion for the sticky stuff.

Why the intractable ambivalence for such an elemental substance, so necessary to human life? More practically for the guys, how can we encourage a more, ahem, "Californian" broad-mindedness (yes, Cali girls are awesome, without doubt)? After all, when a woman wants and craves our seed, that means we can shoot it all over her, her face, her back, boobs, stomach, into her luscious hot wetness, ah yes, everywhere it belongs!

A woman never regrets being covered with, or filled by, or even drinking, the richest and creamiest of male essence....IF she is with a man she really appreciates. This magic stuff make her insides throb.

d.s. on the other hand, is vile, stringy, repulsive, even nauseating, a contaminant requiring biohazard treatment.

Despite the fact that - biochemically - we are talking about the same stuff.

This is what needs explanation and discussion. So here we go.


I met one of my favorite college girls recently to laugh about this outrage. She was curious about the man behind the mask. As hundreds of you reading this are. Unlike some, she had the balls to propose a meeting and we had a riot. The best part was when we started looking around the pub and laughing...somebody in there had read this for sure and she thought one of you reading this probably was there.

It's time to step back and laugh at the flailing, angry male responses to this. And the intelligent and curious female responses.

It is time to turn this into a minibook with the News and four Chapters, including some new material.

Warning: if you're sitting there drinking with your mates at UEA, Fat Cat or Garden House this will make you choke on your beer. But then, if you're in the Duke's Head, Pickerel or Oak in Stowe-M, think about this...those venues are where I've met a couple of female respondents. See Ch.2 below.


First, for those new to this hugely entertaining dialogue, here's my original discussion:

"How do some of the guys here think that they're going to get any action with their postings, when it's clear that they're doofuses who can't spell, write or even think much? How they think they will be able to relate intimately, or even just sexually, to a real woman is almost beyond imagination.

Doofus sperm is ultimately repulsive to women. For good reason. And there seems to be a large volume of it here, bubbling in the balls of the less educated, incompetent or witless males posting here or on Craigslist. Nevertheless it's fascinating to watch natural selection at work. It can be seen in the anguished cries of "are there any real women here?" "there's only spam, bots" etc. Often posted by the same guys who use irresistable lines in their ads, like "hit me up baby," or "I wanna do U" or "need a girl to blow me 2nite."

But no, it doesn't have to be this way. There are lots of real, attractive, intelligent, fun and horny women here, reading these ads. These women love to fuck and many of them are great at it - when they find the guys they want.

But...well...if you're a male, you don't get there by being a doofus."


Ah yes, it's been a while but you know, the volume of doofus sperm doesn't diminish. Ever. One wonders how natural selection really works because it ought, over time, to become steadily less prevalent....if it didn't find its destiny in the wombs of the unwise!

It would be too easy to blame this on the males because many of them are ignorant, but you, ladies, have a hand in this too. If you're intelligent, how exactly can you become the victim of d.s.?

Girls, pay attention. The tell-tale signs of the doofus are clear. Long before your panties come off. Like:

Inability to spell.
Disregard for females.
Bumbling idiocy.
Uncontrollable aggression e.g. road rage, frequent fisticuffs.
Inability to command professional respect.
Aimless wandering in life.

And so on.

During the day, you know all this. You steer clear. But then when you hang out at the pub on Friday, bad things happen. Yes, it's tiresome pretending to be a good girl and sometimes you just want a good seeing to, or even better a hard reaming that leaves you hardly able to walk.

But usually, you have to be "good" or be seen to try to be good - such a game for other small-minded female "approval" - or the vicious rumourmongering is intolerable. Of course you want to get fucked. Hopefully, hard and well. But yielding to a convenient doofus will result in....

being covered and filled with.... d.s.! AAARGH!!

Yes, unfortunately many of you girls know what it feels like to wake up with a hangover...and that stuff over your legs, your boobs, or even worse, in your pussy. Yuck! Why did you do that? Worst of all, perhaps the doofus is still next to you! Now, that's not a pretty sight! :-o Hands up if you've done this. OK, several hundred at least...

It's amazing how different and better this whole scene feels with a man who you really want. There's a universe of difference between d.s. and the desirable, creamy essence of a real man.

So then you need to stop following this path of least resistance and becoming a passive victim of the limited choice around you. You need to take ownership of your dating situation. You need to create the conditions where there's less chance of encountering the nightmarish doofus sperm.

So, feel like a real woman. Not a rat. Avoid the d.s.

Ladies, I know we all need our fun and it's fun to get fucked...but really, do you want to be covered and filled with DOOFUS SPERM? Aaargh! Take care, use protection.

If you're a Disney Princess and radiate those "qualities" then by definition you're going to be covered and filled with...d.s.!! Because only doofuses believe in that b.s.

Still, even non-princesses aren't careful enough. Some of my otherwise smart girl students don't take enough care. Three of them have become pregnant recently, and it's nothing to do with me. Sure, they were all my mistresses at various times but we didn't have sex in a hotheaded way and these pregnancies are nothing to do with me.

Sperm by itself is not necessarily repulsive. It cannot be neutral. It's the meaning of life in raw reproductive terms and that's why it's so important.

As for the inverse of d.s., that is, the delicious thick man-cream of a masterful, dominant, experienced male...the stuff you love to feel in your pussy, over your boobs, your back, your legs, ah, yes, even deep inside your ass.. well I know you love it and crave it, but sperm of that quality is a rare find. And I haven't been in E Anglia for a few months.... but that will change soon.

Speaking of E. Anglia, some people might think because this is posted for the wilds, that there would be nobody to read it. But, far from it, as we can all see.


Here are a sample of recent responses from the female readership. These recent responses to my post illustrate exactly what I mean, and what most of you know even if some of you can't bring yourselves to admit it...

[Anonymous, but almost certainly a woman] "great post :)..."


[FEMALE #1]: "You're absolutely correct of course, and they simply don't get it. I want to meet someone, but my god if these idiots all *** like they write then I might as well stay home and lie back while my one pump hubby does his business."

[More follows, but you don't need to know about that!]

[FEMALE #2]: "I'm a professional, [X] yr old divorced, smart, confident woman... Wow, how'd you know I read those ads. Most of them are just so basic and lame. I attached pics."

[Then..after we'd exchanged our details, pics, dates]

"I would love to come to your hotel room... What part of town are you staying? I am a commercial sales rep for a [pharma] company, and I would love to meet tomorrow afternoon :) I am ok w/ all the experimenting, and exploring, and would also allow you to have sex with em, with condom, of course. Never really got to near enough. Make me forget the doofuses you wrote about!"

This cannot in the least be surprising to those with a modicum of social intelligence.

It would be karma if my first F respondent above were actually married to my M respondent below... maybe too much to hope for, I know, but something similar has happened before, on a couple of occasions. Did I mention...SPORT :)

Come on, join the party! This is much more fun than you can usually find in the staid Cambs burbs or the wilds of East Anglia. Let me tell you, ladies of the Fens, the pharma lady gave as good as she got...she was totally my kind of woman!

Update: here's some new commentary.

[FEMALE #3]: "Nice post. You are so right :) I know that if i'm looking for a fuck buddy, I want someone that knows what they are doing and how they need to do it. I like a person that has a basic understanding of the English language and can carry a conversation with more that "I wanna do u" or something of the sort. Intelligence and sex do not seem to go well together. Anyways, if you're interested in meeting someone, I'm 5'x, Dark Blonde hair, 40 D, 20-some years old. I have pics if interested. If so, just email me some specs of yourself and we will see what we can get into.

[Yummy! You ladies are very tempting and J., last time we met, that was some fuckfest!]

[FEMALE #4]: "I like browsing these ads because they are usually so banal. Some of them are idiotic. But I had to reply to yours. It's different. I admit it. You are right. I'd like better choice but it seems tough even in this supposed larger town. I'm only nineteen but I think most of the guys around me are like you describe. I think I don't really want a serious relationship. I just want a great no-strings fuck... or ten ;) I don't want that hassle of a bf and all that. I know you want a short description well then I attend [College X]. I am considered pretty by quite a few boys and girls. I'm about 5-6 with strawberry blonde hair and some curves. Think 38D ;) I'm interested in whether you would "educate" me the way you talk about. Maybe we can say hi next time you are in town?"

[Yes, my dear, indeed we can. Let's enjoy a civilized evening. We can survey the likely purveyors of doofus sperm who sit around us. Then I will show you the antithesis of d.s. You will love that!]

[FEMALE #5]: "I see you're getting some viewage. Your posting is provocative but not without merit. I confess I sometimes feel as if I am surrounded by "doofus sperm" and it would be nice to taste something different and better. Ladies are not taught to admit this but good hot sperm makes me feel all wiggly and wobbly. It's just so hard to find the good stuff.

I'm not sure I'm ready for a tasting yet ;)...but let's say, I'm cautiously interested in meeting you. Let's have one at the pub and you can tell more of your theory. I know a quiet place.. Hit me up at [x] before you're in town and we can find a time"]

My response at the time: sure, that sounds like fun.

March 15th update: we've already done this and it was more than an interesting convo. So, wow, there are some (a few) fascinating women in E. Anglia. I knew there had to be! :)

[FEMALE #6] "Hey was just wondering what you get out of your posts / why you do it? Just a curious woman"

To be provocative and entertaining. To stimulate [ha!] new dialog and imagination. And if amused/entertained women respond, they're women I want to meet. To email with, to chat to, to laugh with, maybe to fuck, who knows? The conversations I have with women around the world are very engaging and entertaining, because - as a result of conversing over these kind of posts - we meet with no investment in defending social hypocrisy or in supporting the propriety of judgmental bystanders...this is a big problem in British culture, one that prevents comfortable expression and inhibits the meeting of minds and bodies.

[Woman above] "I was just looking for... something to do. Sometimes it's nice to meet a man who you can exchange good, honest, somewhat adult emails with.

As you insinuated.... most men can't get past the basic English test (and this is true of Joe Public Forum, Fetish forums, swingers forums, lego building forums and train spotting forums... I assume) and then after two emails they seem to think your are their private sex toy. But once in a while, a good one comes along.

As to why I asked you, your post stood out. But I also believe it's condescending tone was that of someone looking to annoy through a superiority act more than anything, so I wondered if you got kicks from talking down to people, and why you felt the need to exercise that in a public way."

Yes ma'am, it's all true. However, it's interesting to see how much this condescension discomfits those who normally seek to practice it on others. See the angry/aggressive/personalized male responses.

And, I like to put it out there because it's amusing to read this type of frank discussion on a public forum. Normally, we never get this far...our discussions take place behind the twitching curtains, or not at all. This silence allows the false fronts to maintain social currency.

For these reasons, this is one of the most entertaining posts on this forum, and probably on most others. You can admit it, chuckle even, because that's why you're reading it now. My art is a real change from "hey im horny wana fuk" or "i'm a desperate NiceGuy who can't find a gf, why is it that no girls will respond to my [heavy-handed, manipulative, juvenile] overtures?" etc.

Obviously, I don't practice this condescension with those whom I meet. The quality of my written art - knowledgeable, provocative, edgy, insightful, not constrained by social convention - naturally reflects my sexual art. That's why I'm a master of my crafts.

So, the female respondents are typically serious, interested, can hold an intelligent conversation and know I'm right even if it's not socially acceptable to state it boldly in these ways.

They also want to know more about me. Some of them want to f- me. Why not? This is ten steps beyond the usual level of conversation.

In truth, deep down, why are any of you surprised? Don't bother to defend ideology or pretend it can't/won't/shouldn't happen. It's not worth it and I have a lot of experience in these arts.

Also, girls and boys... have you wondered whose d.s. the girls write me about? Yours, Roger, or yours, Callum? Perhaps Martin's? Well, as you expect - or know - I receive some very interesting private correspondence from the female readership. Much less so from the males.

The males...


Ah, now... the male respondents typically act in a rather different way. This usually involves aggressive denial or belligerent outrage, sometimes both. And their notes are not well written compared with the female responses.

Here's some of the responses I've had:

[MALE #1]: "talk shit"

Really. That's it.

He does not even write in what we might assume is correct vernacular txt-spk, e.g. "u talk shit!" Hahaha! You can see the irony in this....his response is so consistent with my analysis below, it's almost too funny.

[MALE #2]: "Blimey mate! You are full of it! Do you really think anyone believes your wanky doffus shit? My girl thought you are a right larf! Why don't you fuck off and die"

[dude #2, you prove my point. Every woman reading this is shuddering at the idea of your d.s. "Doffus sperm" in your case. The reasons are given above, since you won't even understand why you're an ignorant wannabe thug. As for your girl, maybe she was one of the women I've met. It wouldn't be the first time that someone's wife or gf has met me like this]

[MALE #3]: "And of course your story ended......'and then I woke up.' Dream on, and get that sock washed."

[There was more, but this is a good sample quote. This doofus actually posted a response on oz, in the oh-so-predictable way...I know, he is so frustrated by my success, quite possibly with his wife...see below. I think it disappeared since then.]

[MALE #4" "Fuck you you arrogant tosser! If I see you round my area I'll show you doofus. Prik"

[Hmm...why unable to spell? And why so defensive/aggressive? This makes me interested in your wife because she might be in need of big change from d.s. Also, I've been "round your area" and you'd never recognize me in a million years. Even if I'm banging your daughter/wife/sister]

The hallmarks of most of the male responses are hostility, lack of expressive capacity, threats of violence. There's also a marked territoriality. They urge me to get away from their "kingdom" and keep away from "their" women - a realm created in their own minds, over which they want to exert dominion. Such jealous possession and this piss-over-women-to-mark-the-turf psychology is absolutely predictable from the doofuses. Their insecurities when confronted with a master of this craft are informative.

Overall, this is all very revealing of the British male psyche. It's remarkable how these responses fit so well the description of the doofus that I provided in a much earlier version of this post. See Intro above. That's a fascinating subject in need of further analysis but not here. This is about the d.s.


Now to account for the different views expressed in the prologue.

Our Californian hottie likes men, especially me, she likes what she does for them and enjoys the results. Which include plenty of seed over her and inside her...but no d.s. thank you. A real woman, 110%, in every way.

Our second respondent fears men - because she's been wallowing in d.s., let's face it. Poor decision making leads to d.s. showers and that's a fact. More d.s. showers naturally create a repulsion for males, and it gets worse. The negative feedback drags her down.

As for East Anglia, well I haven't had too much time of late, since Delaney's actually. But maybe it's time to come back again soon. The volume of the d.s. doesn't diminish in my absence.

Here's the earlier stuff.


LCR two weeks ago...we said, you give the evening, we'll confirm. Nobody got it right.

Delaney's last week. Whoa! One of you got it! Haha! You don't know our real names, but you were right on with the descriptions and times. The funniest part of your email was when you said "the girl was pretty and quite young but you looked just like a normal bloke not really an anorak or pervert..." Haha!

Like you could ever just know the man behind the mask if you met me, or like I walk around with a red sign just because I'm bold, kinky, direct and have got the balls to say what lots of people feel and believe... also, remember that the women you see me with may not be the one I describe here.

I'm always up to meet a curious girl reading here, even just to laugh about this outrage.

Next up: Walnut Tree or Duke's Head. After that, Heathrow and Staines. Then central London before I embark on my tour of the "provinces."

And soon it will be time to cover my eager young slut with my creamy cum! I can't wait! Neither can she, apparently. But then she understands the big difference between d.s. and the rich essence of a real man.

Ah, you know, I'm getting horny just thinking about this treat. It's been a busy and stressful term at the college but soon it's time to indulge myself with my legal schoolgirl when I see her shortly. She's a precocious 18 year old cutie at an exclusive private school. An intelligent and worldly young lady although she carries off the little miss prim act so well.

And she finds this expanding thread most entertaining. In part, because she knows some of her friends read it, and they don't know who she is, or who I am. That's another turn on! She hates d.s., like all smart girls. And she understands the difference between the ubiquitous repulsive d.s. and the kind of man-seed I offer, which is the kind that makes her throb with desire. You know I can't wait to coat her gorgeous tits and cute face with my copious ejaculation, and for her to rub it into her skin.

I confess, since I'm kinky and perverted... in truth, like all of us except that I write about it here and the females typically don't... I love it when she wears her school uni and I can shoot my load over it. :) I also like pulling her blouse off and ripping her skirt, and I've had to buy her two new uniforms since we began our relationship last year.

And, she has improved her cocksucking skills enormously since I took her virginity. She has also developed many other skills. The next lesson will involve schooling her to accommodate my rather large erection in her ass, probably while I ream her pussy with the vibrator I bought her for her birthday. We have a lot of fun together, in case you couldn't guess :) I'm also teaching her to avoid the d.s., which so far she has managed.

But I digress.

Back to the topic at hand. The legendary d.s. Legendary, indeed... across the board, my postings are the most viewed on OZ. And this is the Number 1.

It's fascinating that this topic is so first blush. Haha! Blush! Do you girls blush when you talk about this? I bet not. Modern girls don't blush, they take what they want and f*** like bitches. All the better! I'm ready for you girls! :-]

Personally, if we're not going to do the pump-you-full bareback deal (a new girl, maybe, or we just prefer some variety) then I like to shoot mine over a girl's back or stomach while she watches and squeezes my balls (softly!). Drain those stones! Ahh, so much better for both of us!

And then, many mature Asians believe younger male essence possesses strong rejuventing properties. I remember the housewife I met in the karaoke parlour who asked me so politely if she might suck my cock at our first meeting (what else do you think happens when a woman invites you on a lunchtime karaoke parlor date?)

She wanted me to shoot everything over her face, again, and again, so that she could rub it deep into her skin... never mind Garnier or Clinique, it's well known among mature Asian females that semen is the best skin conditioner ever. It reduces wrinkles and lines, provides all-around health. A regular dose is a great idea.

Obviously, because you don't exactly see this happening every day on the street, some selection is occurring. This means, only certain semen is adjudicated suitable for this important task.

Asia or London, Suffolk, the Fens, it doesn't matter where you live, it's the same situation...the girls want high quality seed, and they can't easily find it. However they do sometimes do foolish things to satisfy their immediate needs, then regret it.


As you already know, you must beware of doofus sperm... it's the yuckiest substance in the known universe! It possesses amazing powers of repulsion, often before it is even released into the world. Just think about it.

Girls don't often talk about this even with other girls in case they're considered too kinky or deviant. But under the right conditions, a masterful man can coax her inner slut to life and once a woman yields to her inner slut, she's ready and hot for things you - and sometimes even she - can hardly believe. And she loves it! And she loves you...for being masterful enough to elicit this from her against her initial reservations and doubts. Our dominant/submissive interaction is complex and beautiful when we have a more sophisticated understanding of our needs and how to satisfy each other.

And in the past I have found several cuties in the UK who have enjoyed these delights with me... even in the repressive society here....girls - shout out to you, M, B, and C. I know you're reading this and you're laughing with me. Over the last few years, we've read these ads together while I've fucked the *** out of each of you, now THAT'S SPORT! :)

But they will never, never, do this with someone they believe to be a doofus. You must know what you're doing to be as successful as me. Believing hypocritical social conventions is the very last thing that will help you reach sex-nirvana. And your journey to the promised land begins with a very well-crafted ad. So put some imagination and craft into your ads, guys, and things might look up.

Ah yes, these kind of women are very real and they are certainly horny - but, remember, they DON'T DO DOOFUS SPERM. And until you prove otherwise, they will assume that you offer them... doofus sperm!

Come on guys get your game on and see if you can entice one of them. I can tell you they're all awesome fucks, all different in their ways. You should be drooling with desire, now make it happen....

Women, if you're curious, write me for the scoop. And, my other ads are also very high in the view counter, so see if you can find them. You're going to like them a lot, and there's one for every taste from the mild to the wild.

Dominant Emperor Tiberius
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