1st September 2013 - 18:00 | London UK, London | Age 36
Do you have Submissive fantasies?
Maybe it's a religious upbringing; strict, couldn't care less, abusive, or absent parents; daddy issues; bullying; or whatever, lots of people have issues. These issues can manifest themselves in various ways, but often they lead to sexual and relationship preferences that many people might consider different at best, and abusive at worst. Naturally, the fact that you enjoy them, or think you would, and others consider them weird, makes you feel guilty, embarrassed and ashamed at your own desires, which then starts to eat away at your confidence, self esteem and self worth.
Some girls suppress these feelings but it tries to stop you from wanting the things you enjoy because of the guilt and shame you feel about them and, as anyone with strong needs and desires will tell you, this is an uphill, if not futile, battle. If you feel happy and fulfilled on your knees, with your hair firmly grasped in someone's fist and a cock hitting the back of your throat and choking you, then telling you it's wrong, and trying to help you understand why you like it, isn't going to help you much. In fact it will have your head spinning so fast that you can't wait to feel that firm grip holding you still again and giving you the clarity and simplicity you crave.
So, instead of trying to prevent you from thinking or doing the things you might enjoy, that then make you feel guilty, why not simply encourage you to enjoy them and just stop feeling ashamed about it? Why not attack the guilt and shame instead of the thoughts or actions? Why not teach you that your somewhat fucked up sexual feelings and desires are in fact perfectly ok, and that as long as no harm comes to you and you cause no harm to others, then have at it and enjoy yourself and feel good about it.
Lot's of women enjoy rough, dominant sex, the most common female fantasies involve being taken by force, and I've lost count of the number of women who've told me of their embarrassment at how wet and turned on they get at scenes of rape and sexual violence in films and on TV. Many enjoy and some crave the feeling of being controlled and owned. Of course they all think they're the only one that feels that way and so there must be something wrong with them, but they're not, and there isn't.
Maybe there are reasons why you feel that way and need it so much, but do you want to spend the rest of your life ashamed, crying yourself to sleep, wondering why you have such extreme desires and whether you can change them? Or would you prefer to simply be able to enjoy them as fully as possible, without the slightest feeling of guilt?
If you enjoy the idea of being tied up, spanked, caned, thrown around, fucked aggressively and treated like a sex toy, then so what. If you believe you'd prefer a relationship where someone else calls the shots, takes control and makes decisions for you, because it makes you feel safe, cared for, loved and protected, then big deal, it's your life.
Maybe daddy didn't give you enough attention and so you crave it now, in whatever way you can get it. Maybe he had high expectations that have left you constantly seeking approval and so, as a result, you have an abnormally high need to please and to feel recognised and appreciated for your efforts. But maybe you're just normal, like everyone else, and just want to experience those basic human needs at a much deeper and more personal level.
The fact that you want and need that more directly makes you no different to those that seek it as a group. In fact your needs are in many ways more understandable. You want to submit and accept authority from someone you can trust, see, smell, hear, taste and touch. Someone who's yours, who you can see cares about you and you alone, who you can please in tangible ways; rather than an unseen being who, if he does exist, you have to share with millions of others.
So, why am I telling you all this? Well I'm a dominant man who has similar needs and desires, but from the opposite end of the spectrum. I don't know why I have such needs, I've had no past traumas or issues, and in fact I've had a perfectly happy, stable life. As a result I'm normal, outgoing, pretty chilled out and liked to enjoy life. I was well brought up and well educated in a happy family environment. Perhaps this stability is what has made me dominant. Perhaps it's why I'm confident, assertive and have done well for myself. Maybe the fact that I'm emotionally stable and in control of myself is what makes me enjoy, and be capable of, taking control and being the one in charge. Maybe, like you, my dominant sexual desires are a just a deeper reflection of my basic emotional and relationship needs. Who knows, and frankly I don't care as I enjoy them and have no desire to change them. As such I'd like a relationship with someone who shares these needs and wants to feel free to enjoy them instead of feeling bad about them. Someone who wants to feel safe, cared for, appreciated and valued for who you are and not judged. In short, someone nice, normal, good fun and easy to get on with, who just wants a relationship where you can be free to enjoy and explore who you are with someone who can appreciate that, who knows how to take control, and can help you, guide you and enjoy it with you too.
If you've had such thoughts and desires and are tired of feeling guilty and ashamed about them, and would rather enjoy, explore or experience them, with someone sane, stable, good fun, good looking, and comfortable with who he is, then I'd love to hear from you. I don't mind if you've always felt this way or are only just beginning to discover who you are and what you need. If you're happy in who you are, so much the better, but if you're confused, embarrassed or a little shy and uncertain about things then I'm equally happy to hear from you and talk with you about them.
I look forward to hearing from you.
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