21st March 2014 - 1:08 | London UK, green park |
Such amazing life i had when i was under 25.
i lived day to day thinking of nothing.
Yes i had bad problems deep at home but life would of been suicidal if i gave thought to this ,but i never did till now, and yes i try to kill myself but never wanted to go out like that.
i would party and sleep only few hours life was crazy.
But this did good as i forget my issues.
little did i know that had i thought of my problems my gf would of saved me from them and we would of moved to dubai or newyork to start our new life, she had always planned this.
i had million the big house ,had so many cars that i can't list the names had lots of friends but being young i thought they were my friends,
but they were so jealous of me that my heart bleeds now when i think back.
I had looks, trained my body to look good , my personality is gold could pull any girl i wanted with my looks. Jealous people kept increasing.
my girlfriend then was so beautiful inside and out she made supermodels look average.
My posh gf cared and loved me but was also selfish at times and said i have my own life can't keep eye on you always and she loved money and her career, yes she admitted she was a gold digger but that was fine with me as she was worth it and i knew she loved me so much.
But my head was going deep into depression over home issues and i hid it well,
she said leave all your friends they not real but i laughed it off, my crew was their for me not her and it hurt her that i would not leave them, she left me to it because i won't ready for a relationship but always cared for her only then she came running back but my ego lead me to walk away from her , i won't into girls much and wanted be single but my heart loved her so much for some reason.
I put her back my mind and forgot her as she wanted a career and i wanted enjoy life. i am young and care free future never mattered to me , she searched everywhere after knowing the end of me is near and felt bad for walking away from me but me i forgotten her, her name met nothing to me despite people mention her i forgot her.
I moved far away when my problems deepen at home and then i left everyone, i lead a boring lonely life but was ok at first was alone and was waiting for my dream wifey in hope that i will meet her. it kept me going.
i wanted a business minded girl with stunning looks to come and sweep me of my feet but that never happen and i got more depressed over the years and i have no1 then when thought of past and losing all this money , sitting in a hotel at earls court i thought lets end this bullshit and kill myself , no1 cares about me, won't be missed and life is going nowhere.
I was alone with no one , i liked no girl as all were not my type. plz Just show me 1 good looking girl but it won't happening, my dreams were crushed.
i then thought am good looking guy and never thought it will be this hard for me, and thought of past
I always image my dream girl that i seek to marry, for few years i waited for her but she was always their looking for me and i had her always in my heart but my brain forgot her as she hurt me once and i made myself forget her , my ex gf was the 1 i seek she loved me and truthfully it was all my fault when i think of it , she did nothing wrong ouch! so now i lost her , great.
So i lost her my fake hangout friends , money too now that is gone too.
so now am in my house with nothing but a roof at least with no income coming in, i go to normal job but i can't survive on normal wages when i used to earn 4000 pound a week. My head don't give me peace working as bar staff or delivery driver, this is not going to work .
i can't work!!!
Am still under 30 so can change my life now == but how do i get my millions back and meet another girl like my ex when my going old looks are fading soon. How do i bring back the real friends who wanted to give me things but i threw them away.
is it over
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